I’ll Be Self-Centered For Her
I spent years trying to “fix” the relationship. I worked at it so hard I didn’t see the trap:
I was trying so hard to change the outside world—because I didn’t know how to handle the one I actually could control.
⠀
When a relationship ended, I didn’t just lose “us.”
I realized I had used the intimate comfort,
the sublime connection…
the intoxicating joy of a shared life,
to ignore my own world—
my own self.
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All the “me” stuff I’d been avoiding came crashing in at once,
on top of the
grief, the
shame, the
loss of loss.
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It’s a devastating way to wake up—
realizing I lost the girl,
and also realizing I’ve still never quite found the man.
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I’m not painting the exterior of the house anymore.
I’m in the basement doing the wiring.
That’s why I’m being so intentional now.
That’s why what you’re reading right now exists.
The next time I find a ‘her’, my home will be warm.
The lights will be on.
I will be there.
⠀
If you’re also someone who is done hiding behind “us”—
hello to you, from me.
