Don’t Find Yourself. Return.
๐ผ๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐๐ข๐๐จโฆ ๐’๐ซ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ฉ ๐ข๐ค๐ง๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ฉ๐ค๐ค๐ฃ๐๐ ๐๐ฃ ๐ก๐๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฌ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ๐๐ง’๐จ ๐ก๐ค๐จ๐ฉ ๐ก๐๐๐ฉ ๐จ๐ค๐๐ .
This quote means a lot to me. I have an allergy to “therapy-speak”, but thisโฆ this is the real deal. She’s describing real self-work.
I’ve spent the last year learning what I think, working out what I feel, unlearning what’s not me, and reexamining what is. Heavy excavation. I’m sure I’m now certified to operate a brain backhoeโon my own mental property, anyway.
This little poem, if you will, lines up with a lot of the Vedanta and yogic philosophy I’ve been reading lately. You aren’t the thoughts you have about yourself. You’re the one watching those thoughtsโthey are separate things outside of the true you. The proof: Let go of one of those thoughtsโyou’re still here, aren’t you? Then that thought wasn’t you. As it turns out you are justโฆ YOU! I’ve been thinking on this for weeks now.
One unexpected result of deep research on my own psyche? For 20 years, I’ve considered myself an adherent to Buddhist philosophy. Imagine my surpriseโturns out I may be more aligned with Hindu philosophy. No need to extinguish myselfโฆ I just needed to see who I was clearly enough to point myself out in a crowd!
I’m more comfortable with myself than I’ve often been. I like the me who I be. I even look up to myself sometimes now. I’m grateful for my independence. I feel strong.
โฆbut, ngl, tonight would be a lot softer, nourishingโdelicious, evenโif there was someone warm and beautiful in bed beside meโฆ to talk to about all of this, and learn how her mind wraps around our world. Reverently. Close. Curiously. Intimate.
